As I have mentioned in earlier posts such as ‘My Spouse and My Caregiver’, I had questioned whether a spouse could also be a caregiver. I believe that it is possible, but only if the spouse is well aware of what they are getting into.
It was not until well into our marriage that my spouse and I realized many of the problems and issues associated with epilepsy. We were a little naïve about the condition when we got married. When I started having medical issues about two years ago, my spouse assumed the role of caregiver because of obligation not choice. I was undergoing a change in medicine, which took a considerable amount of time to successfully finish. By that time, my spouse was a nervous wreck after witnessing many seizures. We both experienced some trauma as a result. At this point you may be thinking that I’m blaming my condition for what happened, but I’m not. It did not make things easy for either of us, and caused trauma on both my spouse and myself.
We might have been able to deal with the issues related to epilepsy if we had more common interests and goals. In the years we had been together, our interests and goals have slowly changed. It had been so gradual that neither of us really noticed. I found out a lot of information about myself with a gifted therapist assistance, which I consider to be an essential part of one’s care team. The eventual decision to get a divorce was mutual. The relationship that we had at the time was not one of husband and wife, but something else.
I find myself attempting to set up a life for myself that is not too dependent on others. I don’t want a handout from anyone, and want to succeed on my own. However, I live in an expensive city full of extremely competitive people. Would the stress be worth it? Moving closer to family is always an option, but my pride is stopping me. I am currently attending graduate school and want to finish with a degree. I feel as if my self-esteem needs this accomplishment.